Monday, April 1, 2013

An Open Letter to Those Who Wish to Rewrite History

Not sure how your weekend went, but mine was great until I received a text message from a guest in my home requesting I take down a photo. Not sure where you stand on this subject and know it is touchy so here goes. This particular individual is looking to rewrite history by removing, at any cost,any reference to the past.

I have had some tough relationships in the past, been divorced etc. and worked hard to get through the pain....anger, grief, sadness....and come to grips that though the relationship did not last, there are lessons (and 2 beautiful children) that I only could have learned that way. Trying to rewrite the past won't work. You cannot erase it. It happened. Take the lessons and learn, moving forward to hopefully not make those same mistakes again.

I can say that while I am not grateful in the 'thank God I married him, had to fight for custody and my kids no longer see their dad' excited kind of way. It's grateful in the manner that the universe only gives you what you can handle to teach you lessons and make you stronger, type of grateful. The question I ask the history re-writer is why can't you face the past and grow from it instead of asking the rest of the world to live your new interpretation?

I guess I must be completely intimidating and unapproachable. I know that I have a strong presence and am not afraid to express myself or make decisions that others may not make, instead of cowering in a corner, letting others make my decisions for me or even speak for me. Another question I have for you is why can't you just talk to me? Am I really that awful? Do you not know how much it hurts to be left out?

While I love technology, there is clearly a time for conversation. This would have been it.
A text message doesn't cut it. I can not tell you that it would change what was in place, but I can say I would have been happy to listen (and happy that there was an opportunity for conversation instead of incessant texting where words have been said that cannot be taken back).

How does all this apply to leadership, you ask? Personal leadership is critical to everyone's ability to build community, grow organizations and develop into an evolving society ( hope that's not too redundant). Personal leadership is about seeing all sides and making uncomfortable decisions. Personal leadership is about holding emotions in check, or giving weight to them when you need to. Personal leadership is about using your voice when needed. Personal leadership is about knowing when to walk away.

Wish I could say 'April Fool'! but can't. Instead I am just feeling like one for trusting that things were moving in a new direction with this always turbulent relationship. I was contemplating removing this guest from my contacts. Then I decided that that action would be out of anger, not allowing myself the space to heal the hurt I currently feel. While this roller coaster of relationship spirals into a continuing vortex of the unknown, I can say that , I will stick to my values and attempt to protect my heart while running into them now and again.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm just curious, as you did not mention in your blog, how did you respond to the text? Did you go talk to this "guest"? Did you text back? It just seems ironic that you write a blog unhappy that someone used texting as a tool but don't talk about how you resolved this with this person. Other than you decided to not delete them from your contacts list...

Lora Crestan said...

Good catch - guess I was so caught up in getting it out that I didn't get further than that. I did respond to the text thanking them for sharing their feelings and left it at that....while the following text was not very polite, I requested that they stop texting. Thinking about this whole thing more, I know that when I have calmed down and see them again, there may be an opportunity for discussion - will take it if it arises.