An Open Letter to Those Who Wish to Rewrite History

Not sure how your weekend went, but mine was great until I received a text message from a guest in my home requesting I take down a photo. Not sure where you stand on this subject and know it is touchy so here goes. This particular individual is looking to rewrite history by removing, at any cost,any reference to the past.

I have had some tough relationships in the past, been divorced etc. and worked hard to get through the pain....anger, grief, sadness....and come to grips that though the relationship did not last, there are lessons (and 2 beautiful children) that I only could have learned that way. Trying to rewrite the past won't work. You cannot erase it. It happened. Take the lessons and learn, moving forward to hopefully not make those same mistakes again.

I can say that while I am not grateful in the 'thank God I married him, had to fight for custody and my kids no longer see their dad' excited kind of way. It's grateful in the manner that the universe only gives you what you can handle to teach you lessons and make you stronger, type of grateful. The question I ask the history re-writer is why can't you face the past and grow from it instead of asking the rest of the world to live your new interpretation?

I guess I must be completely intimidating and unapproachable. I know that I have a strong presence and am not afraid to express myself or make decisions that others may not make, instead of cowering in a corner, letting others make my decisions for me or even speak for me. Another question I have for you is why can't you just talk to me? Am I really that awful? Do you not know how much it hurts to be left out?

While I love technology, there is clearly a time for conversation. This would have been it.
A text message doesn't cut it. I can not tell you that it would change what was in place, but I can say I would have been happy to listen (and happy that there was an opportunity for conversation instead of incessant texting where words have been said that cannot be taken back).

How does all this apply to leadership, you ask? Personal leadership is critical to everyone's ability to build community, grow organizations and develop into an evolving society ( hope that's not too redundant). Personal leadership is about seeing all sides and making uncomfortable decisions. Personal leadership is about holding emotions in check, or giving weight to them when you need to. Personal leadership is about using your voice when needed. Personal leadership is about knowing when to walk away.

Wish I could say 'April Fool'! but can't. Instead I am just feeling like one for trusting that things were moving in a new direction with this always turbulent relationship. I was contemplating removing this guest from my contacts. Then I decided that that action would be out of anger, not allowing myself the space to heal the hurt I currently feel. While this roller coaster of relationship spirals into a continuing vortex of the unknown, I can say that , I will stick to my values and attempt to protect my heart while running into them now and again.

NXT Level

Getting your year moving is critical - and we are heading into the end of the 1st quarter if you can believe that!

I am hosting, with my friend and fellow business owner Nadia Shousher, an exclusive morning where you can get your business to the NXT Level with Mastermind - a 1/2 day session that will leave you looking at your business and it's future in a whole new way.

You need to change perspective to make changes or disrupt what is already in place -  a mastermind opportunity will help you see the difference you can make in your own business and, in the business of others - this is definitely a sharing space.

Reservations are required, and admission fees can be cut in half by using the promo code WBMM1 - a small investment in big changes that will move your business to the NXT Level!

Let me know if you have any questions - here, or call me at 519-735-6820.

Rushing the Relationship

As quickly as a click of a mouse is NOT how you should build relationships.

It takes time to get to know people.  Think about how long it has taken you to get to know yourself?  If you are like me, you are still discovering things about yourself everyday!

Rushing a relationship is not good.  If you remember the Friends episode where Ross has announced he is marrying Emily (another rushed relationship that did not end well), Rachel has a conversation with Joshua about how they are 'click-king' and after 6 meetings should get engaged.  Inevitably, Joshua got scared away.  Why?  No trust, no time to get to know what they each had in common, no understanding of what made each other tick.

Rushing a relationship in business is just the same. If you believe that by attending a networking event you are going to meet people and close the sale in that same evening you are rushing the relationship.

I guess, before we dig into relationship I need to clarify for you that a relationship is not a transaction.  A relationship is time invested by parties to come together to develop trust and find out what they have in common that can help them move each other forward.

a transaction begins and ends quickly with no forethought about next steps or repetition.

Think about with whom you are currently doing business -  with whom do you have relationships and with whom is it a matter of transaction alone.

• how long did it take you to forge those relationships? (yes, that is the phrase, because it is hard work)
• what was your gut feeling?  why did you feel it was important to create that relationship start?
• what makes you not move a relationship forward?

Interesting questions to ask yourself as you develop your business and lead others.  Rushing is never the answer (unless you are a football player!)

Rushing the Plan

As you can see rushing makes everything blurry.  You feel like time is flying, but it really is not - you are simply overwhelmed or not using your time efficiently or have procrastinated to the point that everything is piling up.

We have all been there (and if you say you have not, then you have other issues) and the only way to deal with this is to learn from how we got there.  Let's examine the how's:

• lack of planning
• not understanding the amount of time things could take
• getting lost in the flow 
• finding yourself following 'shiny objects' and becoming distracted
• prioritization needed review
• someone hijacked your agenda and you found yourself out of time

Rushing - and blurriness - spend time each week at the beginning to ensure that you have built in some flex time so that you are not rushing to get things done.  Juggle if you need to, asking to move appointments (even if they are with yourself) so that you can ensure quality work and quality time to avoid the blurr!

More on the subject of rushing when it comes to relationships in a later post!

Caught!

Today I am caught.
I am caught not doing a few things....

• staying up to date on my blog posts
• checking off my calendar what I wanted/needed to get done
• creating a pile of stuff to follow up instead of doing
• ....the list can go on.....laundry, kid's follow up for school ......

What to do when you get caught to?

STOP!!!

and then stop whining and wondering what happened, you know what happened, just like I know what happened and instead get started again.

Re-prioritize and perhaps today is the day to put in an extra couple of hours to clean it all up.

It's okay.  Really, it is.

We are human - leaders and those we lead alike - forgive yourself and get going again.

A Little Weather Won't Hurt

Today is the day I, along with my great friend and blogging buddy Frank Abbruzzese are hosting a new group of business owners - startups, actually -  to help them understand the power of the MASTERMIND.

Of course, with the best laid plans, the weather can tend to interfere.  Overnight and right at this moment, while we approach our kick off time, the snow is coming down.  The driveway and walk have been shoveled twice and most likely will need a quick sweep by the time our guests arrive.

Think back to your opportunities in business over the last month - January has literally flown by.  What did you plan to do and did you get it done?  What weather-storms got in the way of your 'best laid plans' and how did you roll with it? As leaders and business owners, this happens all the time - except our reaction to what we cannot control sometimes overshadows what we can do with the lesson that is being given to us.

Think about your reaction to the changes in circumstance - did you get upset? throw up your arms and want to quit? call it off?  Or did you embrace the opportunity - and learn from what came your way?

Not only is this difficult for us a leaders, we need to teach others how to handle the 'weather'.  Taking time to debrief situations like this is critical to ongoing growth and success.

Update:  out of 17 people who confirmed attendance for today 11 showed up!!!!

The Coach Needs A Coach

Yes, I have been remiss in sticking to my blogging schedule.
I have had a few notes and reminders lately.
Thinking this through....along with many other things, I have realized that 'the coach needs a coach'.

Example: this week I had an idea - and not sure if that idea was simply a way to avoid doing something that I am completely uncomfortable with or really a good idea that sits better with my brand, I texted a very close and smart individual to talk through the basics and get their feedback.

As a coach, I spend a great deal of time in the businesses of others, recognizing that I need to take my time to work on my own as well - walking my talk is as important to me as it is to my clients.  I am grateful that I have people that I can reach out to to get the coaching I need too.

So think of this - as a leader and a coach for your team - do you need a coach too?  Where do you turn for accountability or brainstorming or seeking new perspectives without going to your middle ranks and blurring lines for them (and for you!)?  Check out Fast Company for great articles on why coaches need coaches.